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Humor Archives - Page 2 of 3 - Christian Rios' Blog

Passing the buck Comcast style!

Problem: why is my port 8080 blocked?
Christian > My Issue: why is my port 8080 blocked?
Lim Un > Hello Christian, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Lim Un. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Lim Un > Hi! Welcome to Comcast! How may I help you?
Christian > I am hosting a WHS 2011 in my computer in port 80 without problem but Comcast is blocking 8080 79 81 and other ports. I can not host a SVN server at the same time. Can you please unlock these ports for me?
Lim Un > I understand how frustrating this might be, Christian. I apologize for the inconvenience. Rest assured I will do everything within my means to address your concern today.
Lim Un > For me to further assist you, may I have your account number, account name and the last 4 digits of your SNN.
Christian > acc# XXXXXXXXX acc name CHRIS RIOS ssn XXXX
Lim Un > Thank you for the information, please give me a minute or two to pull up your account.
Lim Un > Oh by the way, do you know that you can protect your computer, files and your identity without slowing down your PC (or Mac). Get Norton Security Suite, a $160 dollar value, AT NO ADDITIONAL COST with your Comcast High-Speed Internet subscription. You can check out www.comcast.net/security for more information.
Lim Un > You want to unblock the other ports for you to be able to access other sites, am I getting this right>?
Lim Un > Are you still there?
Continue reading “Passing the buck Comcast style!”

A Kinetic Experience

The wife is reading on her Kindle in the bedroom while I am playing Call of Duty: Blacks Ops on my PC with my headset on. Then, the apartment starts to shake, the ceiling fan is about to drop, and it sounds like a stampede is going by. My wife and I grew up in Central America surrounded by volcanoes. So thinking that it is a small earthquake, I start running to a door frame when I realized it is very easy to walk because the ground is not moving. Now I am a bit scared because I am thinking it might be a tornado since this is common in the Southern United States where we live. I go look out the window and there are clear skies when the shaking suddenly stops.

A minute has passed now when we realized, the sounds are coming from upstairs. I go up there thinking somebody went UFC on somebody else’s ass. I knock on the door, and this thin short white college kid opens the door. I asked him if he was okay because my apartment was about to come down on me. At that moment, he apologizes saying that he and his friend were playing a new Xbox 360 game where you play by moving around. Of course, he tells me this while he points to a Kinect for the Xbox 360. However, this still did not add up though, until his 300-pound friend came back from the fridge with another beer. I told they should play Call of Duty instead.

I guess the Moral of the story is that you should not invite your chubby friends to play Kinect in your upstairs apartment even though you might think they need the exercise. Rather, tell them to eat a salad every now and then! I know even McDonalds sells them now.
Continue reading “A Kinetic Experience”

Male Date Drug Warning

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females use a date-drug on the market called “Beer”.

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles and cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that “something bad” occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their youth, health, or life’s savings in a familiar scam known as “a relationship”… In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as “marriage”.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this “Beer” scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up “Golf Courses” in the phone book.

Somebody forwarded this to me in an email so credit goes to whoever wrote it

Add an ‘o’ at the end and it is in Spanish!

This is a list of words in English that you can add an ‘o’ or an ‘a’ at the end
and they will actually translate to Spanish.

English Spanish
car carro
sex sexo
act acto
large largo
product producto
telephone telefono
cost costo
liquid líquido
program programa
Atlantic Atlántico
automatic automático
democratic democrático
didactic didáctico
fanatic fanático
gymnast gimnasta

Continue reading “Add an ‘o’ at the end and it is in Spanish!”