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Humor Archives - Christian Rios' Blog

Category: Humor

Jokes and whatever I think is funny … or not

Gator Tears

 

Crying Gator

I was helping a friend migrating his website from HostGator.com to another web hosting company. I couldn’t find a easy way to cancel the account from their Dashboard. So, I googled “cancel Host Gator account” and ended up in the following site: https://www.hostgator.com/cancel

Here I met a crying alligator which has a similar anatomy to crocodiles. I don’t know if you all heard the expression Crocodile’s tears that was regularly used by Shakespeare. But, I was under the impression that HostGator.com didn’t really care much for my friend’s business.

Mass Effect 3 Chat Review


Christian Rios 11:09 am
anybody tried out mass effect 3 yet?

Taylor Wicksell 11:09 am
SUUUUUUUUCKS!

Christian Rios 11:09 am
since it is not on Steam I had forgotten it existed

Taylor Wicksell 11:09 am
did you play the first two?

Christian Rios 11:09 am
yeah

Taylor Wicksell 11:10 am
you know how the first one was like a decent RPG, lots of stuff to do, side quests, etc.

Christian Rios 11:10 am
I usually wait till it is 9.99 to buy them though

Taylor Wicksell 11:10 am
and then the second one got really REALLY dumbed down for consoles and the like

Christian Rios 11:10 am
right… mini games in the second one were lame

Taylor Wicksell 11:10 am
fewer quests, less content, missions were little linear things that take about 5 minutes and have a “You Win” screen at the end with your rating and all

Taylor Wicksell 11:11 am
take the difference between mass effect 1 and 2, and then triple it, and that gets you mass effect 3
there are like 15 systems now, you don’t even land on the planets you just scan them but now enemy ships come and chase you around if you scan too long

Christian Rios 11:12 am
LOL
there are space fights?

Taylor Wicksell 11:12 am
no
if they touch you, you die
that’s all

Christian Rios 11:12 am
wait what?
Continue reading “Mass Effect 3 Chat Review”

If Cell Phone and ISP Companies ran the other utilities companies

Gone are the days when you could go into a store and get an unlimited data plan. Even though it is advertised as unlimited, that is seldom the case anymore. You got cable companies such as AT&T and Comcast that have caps of 150GB and 250GB a month respectively among others. Some companies will charge you a fee but others will deny service after a repeat offense. These caps are probably in place to prevent streaming subscribers to services such as Netflix, Hulu Plus, or Amazon Prime to hog all the bandwidth.
A few years ago it was mostly believed that if a consumer used a lot of bandwidth, he or she was using bittorrent and downloading illegal music and movies. This is not the case anymore, Netflix alone accounts for more traffic than bittorrent. Even Comcast was caught sniffing your data to find out if you were using bittorrent to then throttle and slow down you data.
Some years have passed, and now with smart phones being nearly ubiquitous users hogging the data is still a problem. Verizon will offer you 4GB of unlimited data, AT&T has similar caps and they will charge you extra if you go over. T-Mobile will not charge you extra but they will slow down your data after your allowance. Hours of using Music and Movie apps such as Pandora and YouTube will quickly deplete your data allowances. C-Spire, previously known as Cellular South, Continue reading “If Cell Phone and ISP Companies ran the other utilities companies”

Strickland’s Letter

About two years ago when the Football World Cup was going on in South Africa, I decided I had earned a nice over the top all leather La-Z-Boy. To my surprise, the only place in town that carries them is a furniture store called Strickland’s. I had to give them my address for them to deliver it to my place.
Now after two years, I still get letters in the mail from Strickland’s every now and then. The last letter I got reads:

“Bring this letter with you during the week of 4/16/12 and take 50% off of 50% of your full purchase. That’s half off regular price of half of your purchase. Buy one piece, a room full or a house full and take 50% off of 50% of your total purchase.”

I didn’t make this up, you can click on the image to maximize it. I think this is a coupon for 25% off but they said 50% so many times and half that I am not sure if it is a coupon for 12.5% or 6.25%. I have a feeling that if I go there they will ask me to pay double for the first half and twice the second half. I also find it funny how they start the letter with “Dear Valued Customer”. Not only they think their customers are so valuable they won’t even address the letter to their names, they also insult the poor senior citizens walking in with what they think is a 50% off coupon. Letter attached after the break. Feel free to print it if you want to get this deal, LOL…

Continue reading “Strickland’s Letter”

ALTERRA Coffee does not even call to say thanks…

One morning craving caffeine, I decided to try the coffee machine at the office because I was too lazy to brew some real coffee. This machine comes with little packages that you can just insert into the machine to brew the coffee of your choice. So, I figured I will try the Colombian, how bad could it be? It was not horrible but the geography on the cover shows all hope is lost for the education system in America.

The one on the left is correct but the one on the right has the North Pacific Ocean north of Panama and the Caribbean Sea in the middle of the Atlantic. I wrote a letter to point this out to ALTERRAcoffee.com and to tell them to put the Caribbean Sea where they had the North Pacific Ocean. I never heard back from them, but to my surprise a couple of months after my letter they actually fixed their packaging. I thought it was hilarious that they actually corrected it and I was kinda disappointed that they did not even sent me a thank you note or you know… a cup of coffee? :p

Continue reading “ALTERRA Coffee does not even call to say thanks…”

Who Is Who?

A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.
A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.
A Marketing Manager/Requirements Person is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby

Facebook was making me dumb

Facebook Fail LogoAs if I don’t have enough stuff in my life to make me dumber, friends and family micro-blogging (aka Facebook) was not helping at all. Therefore, I decided to quit Facebook and you might be wondering why. Well, probably not but bear with me, let’s say you do. I completely skipped the whole MySpace era because I was in college in graduate school so I barely had time to breathe. I had no time to waste online, and the little time I spent on the computer not coding or writing papers was spent checking my email and cleaning up the spam or clicking on the “unsubscribe” link that actually tells spammers that it is a valid email.

Anyways, I would actually read forums where knowledgeable people would gather and discuss topics and most of the time this was productive. There was a certain level of anonymity that encouraged people to be more open and actually ask questions in order to learn something. On the other hand, it is extremely difficult to have these kinds of conversations in social networks. This could entirely mean that my “friends” are retards.  Plenty of them are geeks that can’t admit they are wrong and end up trolling. But, they might also just pretend they know something when in fact they are clueless and make it up as they go. The problem arises mostly because access or interest to the thread is limited to your dumb friends.
Continue reading “Facebook was making me dumb”